How Do You Explain That?

I ran into an old friend this week. She was with her three children, all under ten, beautiful little steps of stairs. She and her husband were very good friends of ours, and we spent a lot of time together before children came along and our social lives disappeared. Over the years I often wondered why we never kept in touch.

While her kids wandered a short distance away, she told me she had tried to track us down on Facebook with no luck. She did manage to find some of our relatives. That’s when she asked the question she was so obviously itching to ask from the start, whispered behind her hand in a way made famous by paperback spies:

“Is Hubby’s brother gay?”

Yes. He is.

It was her next question that caught me totally off guard.

“How do you explain that?”

I haven’t seen this woman in five years and this is where she wants to take this conversation?

Before I could answer, she went on with a monologue about how she couldn’t imagine trying to explain anything like that to her kids. When something “like that” came on TV she would rush to change the channel. She was trying to raise her kids with old fashioned morals and values, but it was hard.

I took the hit to my values and morals and absorbed it like a pro. Perhaps she was expecting a sob story of family shame and denial, of how we were all so disappointed. I answered her question as simply as I could.

How do we explain that?

We don’t. It just is.

Our kids don’t ask us why their uncles are together. To them it is no different than their other uncles and aunts, grandma and grandpa, mom and dad.

It just is.

And thank God for that. Thank God that my children will grow up believing that same sex relationships are equal, and that, as far as gender is concerned, there is no right or wrong when it comes to love.

It just is.

And if they ever do ask, that's the explanation. Plain and simple. And without a hint of scandal.

So we said our good-byes. I gave my regards to her family, and she told me to send her an email or look her up on Facebook. Then I watched her walk away with her three precious children.

I won’t be in touch. I remember now why we lost contact to begin with. I’m doing her a favour really. Her children would surely notice our lack of values and morals, and I wouldn’t want her to have to explain anything. I pray that her children will never have to explain things to her.

Storytelling or Lying?

“I’m going to have a new baby brother or sister.”

My husband and I nodded and listened as our daughter’s friend, Amy, explained that her mom would soon be going to the hospital to get the baby.  When she left hubby asked “Is her mom pregnant?” I shrugged. She didn’t look like it, but it was possible. As time passed, however, it was obvious that the new baby was just a story.

It didn’t take long to figure out that Amy had a habit of “telling stories”. That’s how her mom described it. “Amy is such a story teller.” The new baby was one of her favourites, but she had no shortage of tall tales. She had our neighbour’s child convinced that her thumb fell off and she had to get a new plastic one. One day she ran home crying because the kids refused to believe that her stuffed toy dog was real and only sleeping.

These stories would be harmless if not for Amy’s insistence that they were absolutely true. Most children have very active imaginations at that age. It is important to let children create and make-believe. It is equally important to make sure they realize the difference between “pretending” and “lying”.

One morning, shortly after we got our new puppy, we met Amy and her mom, Linda, at the bus stop. Amy started in to tell us about the new puppy she was getting. Linda said nothing, but winked at me over her daughter’s head. It was obvious that Amy was spinning another one of her “stories” and I was to play along. This would have been a perfect opportunity for Linda to gently tell her daughter that making up stories is ok, as long as you don’t lead people to believe them to be true. It could be done in a way to spare the child the embarrassment of being caught in a lie. “That’s a good make-believe dog! If I were going to have a dog it would have brown spots all over and a fluffy tail.”

Linda’s reluctance to address her daughter’s habit did not help her child. While her stories may have seemed harmless, they were detrimental to her relationships with other children. Kids don’t like to be fooled, and they won’t play along the way adults sometimes will. It was also difficult for Amy when the children didn’t believe her.  

Young imaginations are a beautiful thing, but sometimes kids need a little help reining them in. Telling stories is a wonderful talent to cultivate, and helping children develop a healthy imagination is fun, not only for kids, but for everyone. 

Cheers and Jeers: Parked Car Edition

Cheers to the dad parked on the side of Kenmount Road. Too many people drive around town chatting away on their cell phones. Way too many of them have children in the car. You pulled to the side of the road to talk, your children safely buckled up in the back seat. Not only were you keeping the roads and your children safe, you were setting a good example. Good for you!

Jeers to the dad in the mall parking lot last night. Your window was barely cracked as you sat inside smoking. A child seat and "baby on board" sign were clearly visable through the back window. Sure, you didn't have a child in there with you at the time, but your kid would eventually have to get into that stinky, smoky car. Yuck! Do your kid a favor, get outside and smoke. Or better yet, quit.

Have a Yay! or Boo! you want to share? Tell us about it.